It’s not the standard fate that awaits As I Lay Dying in this month’s Spanish Inquisition, as we get super-friendly and ask the Californian metallers the fluffiest set of questions ever.What’s fluffier, 100 feather boas or 100 lion cubs?
Daniel Masters, Worcestersire
Nick Hipa (guitars): “Wouldn’t the answer be feather boas for you? I’ve actually seen you wear those before.”
Tim Lambesis (vocals): “The last night of our tour with Slipknot and Unearth, and Trevor [Phipps, Unearth vocalist] had to wear whatever I made him wear, and come on during our set, and for their set, he made me wear a feather boa. With spandex and a cowboy hat. So that was probably one of the worst things I’ve ever had to wear.”
Nick: “Yeah, but you kind of pulled it off.”
 
When you were a kid and your mum told you you wouldn’t get ice cream unless you finished your dinner, what did you do?
Alexa, via MySpace
Nick: “Not to thwart the efforts of your question, but I actually never had a problem with finishing my food. I was a chubby little kid for a few years.”
Tim: “I always had a hard time finishing peas. But I had three brothers, so when the food came out for dinner, it all got finished, it was just a matter of who could stick their hand in there and grab it first, so we were all fighting for as much dinner as we could get. Our guitarist has stories about how his parents wouldn’t let him leave the table until he finished his vegetables, and he would literally sit there until it was his bedtime.”
 
What’s the better movie: Toy Story or Finding Nemo?
Lee Peters, Camberwell
Tim: “I fell asleep when I tried to watch Finding Nemo but I made it to the end of Toy Story, so I’m going to go ahead and say Toy Story, plus the voice-overs were all pretty famous people.”
Nick: “Toy Story would be mine as well. That story just hit home a little bit more.”
 
Dinosaurs, aren’t they great?
Mick Makk, via email
Tim: “Yes. They are.”
Nick: “Personally, I’m not a fan. Just kidding, I love dinosaurs. We actually even created our own dinosaur shirt for a clothing company back home. It’s called a Megalosaurus Rex. It’s a hybrid between a huge Megalodon shark and a Tyrannosaurus Rex. It’s the greatest land and sea predator ever known.”
Tim: “My favourite part of Jurassic Park was how feasible it was, the way they actually replicated the dinosaurs. It made sense, like it could actually happen.”
 
When you were learning to ride a bike, did your dad run alongside you while you were pedaling along, reassuring you he wasn’t going to let go, and then let go without telling you? Wasn’t that like, the meanest thing ever?
Anush, via email
Nick: “That exact story happened to me, except it was my mom who ran along holding the bike.”
Tim: “I never had a bike lesson ever, I just learned the old school way, just falling until you don’t fall any more.”
Nick: “My dad would run along next to me and he would push me and shout ‘Go!’, and I would just fall down. When you’re used to falling down, you’re not afraid of it and you’re not afraid to try it.”
 
Are you a good cook, and if so, what is your signature dish?
Kelli Weyda, Edinburgh
Nick: “It’s not like I have any culinary expertise. It’s pretty easy to follow a recipe, but what I do excel at is smoothie making. That is my calling in life. I make them out of fresh frozen fruit, and it’s not so much nutritious as always delicious. I make them with this really awesome blender.”
Tim: “You should trademark that phrase.”
 
Can you name the colours of the rainbow?
Portia, via email
Tim: “Well, at least what I think the rainbow colours are: yellow, orange, red”
Nick: “I thought it was red, yellow, green, blue. It’s the primary colours and the secondary colours too, right? Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple?”
Tim: “There’s indigo and violet? OK, violet’s like purple, but what’s indigo?”
 
What’s better, unicorns or pixies?
Evil Rod, via MySpace
Tim: “Unicorns, no question. They may not be the manliest thing ever, but at least they’re pretty metal, like Dio might sing about them.”
 
What kind of message does pillow fighting send our children?
Concerned, Tunbridge Wells
Tim: “Pillow fighting is an important part of growing up. My brother is 12 years older than me and he did this thing where he’d get me all fired up and make me start jumping on the bed, and he’d take a pillow and wait until I’d jumped as high as I could, and he’d take out my feet from underneath me and make me do back flips.”
Nick: “I guess the point is that it’s completely reckless, violent fun, but no one really gets hurt. That’s the only kind of violence that really can be fun.”
 
Have you ever seen clouds that are shaped like other things, and if so what were the clouds shaped like?
Jim Leeway, Salisbury
Nick: “I saw some things when I was a kid, but I haven’t looked at clouds that way since.”
Tim: “I had my moments earlier in life, but I never really got high and looked at the clouds. I’ve never really had that experience.”
 
What’s your favourite Friends character?
Mason, via MySpace
Tim: “I haven’t seen a lot, but there’s an episode where Phoebe goes jogging, and she jogs like a complete idiot”
Nick: “Ahh, you watch Friends! Oh man, you just got called out! Actually, I’m a Joey man myself. You’re a Phoebe fan?”
Tim: “I just think she has the potential to be the most ridiculous and get away with it.”
Nick: “I like Joey, because it always seems like innocent fun with him, always getting into little mischievous things.”
 
What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done while drunk?
Nick Denton, Portsmouth
Nick: “Well, there is this one time that I think I had one too many and I tried diving into my bunk on the tour bus, which was at the bottom, and I ended up clipping the bottom part of my back and giving myself a gnarly scar. That kind of sucks, especially because everyone else on the bus took the liberty of drawing three Xs on the bottom of my back right over it to make it worse. That was one of those experiences when you wake up the next morning and think, ŒI’m going straight, I’m never going to drink again.’”
Tim: “I don’t think this is that strange, but when I was drunk I went to the wrong restroom ­ not on purpose obviously. That was a little bit embarrassing.”
 
Are you a fan of Monty Python? What’s your favourite sketch?
Mark Treadle, via email
Nick: “I love Monty Python and I’ve seen the majority of the movies. One of my favourite things is Meaning Of Life where a priest is leading altar boys in a prayer and it’s very…I don’t know how to say it”
Tim: “Sacrilegious?”
Nick: “Yeah, sacrilegious. But their prayer was just like, ‘God, you are so huge’ and it was like, very awkwardly flattering. And the sex ed class was very funny too.”
 
No, but really, how super-awesome is everything right now?
Nell, via email
Tim: “I think even when we do complain about stuff, it’s really trivial and small, so we really have nothing to complain about. We are really not taking anything for granted, and everything is awesome right now.”
Nick: “Yeah, it is really super-awesome!”