In this month’s Metal Hammer, we speak to Scottish pirate metallers, Alestorm. And they tell us some disturbing home truths…

What’s the wrongest thing you’ve seen a bandmate do?
Marina Kaurin, Ilford
Dani Evans [guitar]: “About 240 pounds.”
Gareth Murdock [bass]: “Oh, what?!”
Dani: “Not mentioning any names, but it was quite a feat – she had to be wedged in the bus.”
Christopher Bowes [vocals/keytar]: “Face like a sack of bricks.”
Gareth: “Argggh…”
Dani: “It’s your own fault, you’ve brought this on yourself.”
Christopher: “Older than his mother too. Separate occasions mind – 240 pounds and older than his mother would be…”
Dani: “…the ultimate wrong.”

Dear Alestorm, what was it like to be told off by your mum at Golden Gods for being drunk?
Werner Bosch, via MySpace
Dani: “Wahey! My mum’s in Metal Hammer again! It was gutting, but well worth it, ‘cos it’s now a legendary story apparently. She’s coming down again this year actually – expect more telling off.”
Christopher: “There’s nothing more rock’n'roll than bringing your mother to a show. Perhaps we should make your mother the mascot.”
Dani: “We have a mascot already called Barry Shitpeas.”
Christopher: “Could we call your mother Barry Shitpeas?”
Dani: “Fuck off, you cunt.”

What do you know about your bandmates you wish you could unknow?
Nick Grange, Leamington Spa
Christopher and Dani: “Hmmm…”
Gareth: “Don’t look at me again!”
Dani: “It’s always you, you’re the weird one who does stuff.”
Christopher: “We were looking through some stupid German magazine and for some reason there was a picture of a naked guy and we were like, ‘Urgh, he shaves his balls!’ and Gavin said, ‘What, there’s nothing wrong with that!’”
Gareth: “He wouldn’t let me shave my balls the other day.”
Christopher: “I refused to let him do that in the shower next to me. That would be far too much disgusting imagery in my head.”

Read the whole feature in this month’s Metal Hammer.