Dom Lawson’s Blogs Of War: Stop Whinging About Download!
Oh, now look at what you’ve gone and done. All of the bitching and whining done about festivals this year has pushed our very own Dom Lawson over the edge. Read his rant inside!
If there’s one thing that life has taught me, it’s that the more things stay exactly the fucking same, the more ridiculously irritating they become. And the internet, for all its many wonderful features (none spring to mind, obviously, but I’m sure there must be some, considering that most of us seem to spend out ENTIRE FUCKING LIVES staring at the damn thing), seems to have mutated into a giant magnifying glass with the sole purpose of making all the really annoying aspects of people’s idiotic behaviour seem a million times bigger and more brain-shaggingly stupid and soul-destroying. Yeah, thanks a lot, the internet. You fatuous tosspiece.
Yes, it’s that time of year again. Despite trying to fool the handful of people that actually pay any attention to what I do on a daily basis that I’m a professional music journalist with some vaguely interesting opinions to impart, the reality of my day-to-day existence, as winter becomes spring, is that I am spending more and more time gawping at my monitor, reading the witless and enervating synapse-spittle of joyless arsetools who simply can’t get their tiny, pointed heads around the self-evident fact that rock festivals in the UK are not designed specifically with their own implausibly awful and/or splendid taste in music in mind.
Suddenly, I’m struck with an overwhelming sense of deja-vu, because yes, I did write a blog about this very fucking subject roughly 12 months ago, inspired by the mind-blowing phenomenon of supposedly sentient beings expressing distaste at the announcement that Download had booked AC/DC and Aerosmith – two of the BIGGEST FUCK OFF ROCK BANDS ON THE PLANET, lest we forget – as headliners for 2010’s jamboree of ear-damage and liver abuse. And here we are again, one year on, and the whole exhausting cavalcade of cuntish behaviour dribbles inexorably on. How fucking marvellous.
This year’s tard-fest is somewhat different, of course. In 2009 and 2010, most people seemed relatively satisfied with the fact that the UK had two major mainstream rock/metal festivals to enjoy during the summer months. The emergence of Sonisphere meant that people had a choice of large scale rock knees-ups for the first time in years and, thanks to line-ups that were necessarily distinct, the two festivals could only really be said to complement each other. Only people with fat wallets or ghastly freeloaders like myself could reasonably expect to attend both in one year, of course, but that’s beside the point.
A bit of choice, for once, seemed like a good thing and a decent number of people expressed their preference for one festival or the other with a modicum of grace and intelligence, give or take a few thousand utter twazzocks who would complain mid-blowjob if the curtains were THE WRONG CUNTING COLOUR.
In contrast, 2011 appears to have become the ‘Year Of The Perpetually Whining Cock’, and for reasons best known to the drooling turdslingers who have been cluttering up forums, Facebooks, Tumblrs and Twitters for the last few weeks with their tedious complaints, the Download festival has been the main recipient of all the vitriol.
I guess that’s the price the organisers’ are bound to pay for being the original UK rock/metal bonanza: if you’ve been leading the way for a long time, the new kid on the block is always going to have more immediate appeal, the enticing gleam of the new and an air of freshness that a legendary venue like Castle Donington has long since outgrown. And yes, this year’s Sonisphere line-up looks pretty fucking great.
You can’t really argue with the Big Four or Slipknot as mighty headliners, and there are many, many other great bands on the bill too. And Limp Bizkit (fuck off, Dom – Beez). After having their arses gently booted for the last two years (with all due respect, Download won this non-existent war by booking Faith No More and Slipknot in 2009 and AC/DC trumps everything, always), Sonisphere have come up with the goods in 2011 and it doesn’t take a genius to see why, at this stage in the game, the new boys are getting the most praise.
But here’s a nugget of truth-poo for your brain-cupboards: this entire pointless debate is entirely based on an unavoidably unequal divide in support for two utterly different festival line-ups, and so as great as the Sonisphere bill undoubtedly is, every time I read some squawking dullard bitching away about how it’s “game over” and how Donington is going to be a silent wasteland populated only by tumbleweed and a heartbroken, snivelling Andy Copping sitting on a tearstained picnic blanket, I genuinely feel like setting fire to the internet and laughing as all these toothless moaners scream their mentally-deficient way into a thoroughly deserved early grave.
The truth is that for many punters, the Download bill is looking absolutely fucking splendid. Call me a cunt if you like, and I’m sure some of you will whip yourselves into a froth at the very idea that I might have an opinion that doesn’t precisely mirror your own, but I’m really looking forward to seeing Alice Cooper, Rob Zombie, The Cult, System Of A Down, Korn, Alter Bridge, Down, Danzig (“what is a Dainzig?” – Ed), Thin Lizzy, Twisted FUCKING Sister, Avenged Sevenfold, Clutch, Cheap Trick, Turisas, GWAR, Evile, Suicide Silence, Your Demise, Ghost, Sacred Mother Tongue and All That Remains.
There are also more names yet to be announced, one of which has already made me nearly snap my penis in half with excitement. If that’s a shit festival line-up, then I’m Taylor Momsen. Whoever the fuck she is!!! RIGHT, KIDS???
Yes, of course, there are some bands on the Download bill that make me want to STAB STAB STAB, but then I’d rather be skinned alive and boiled in my own hissing diarrhoea than have to sit through All-Time Low, Sum 41 or Kids In Glass Houses either. Beer exists. I fail to see a problem.
And yes, I’m genuinely excited about seeing Def Leppard again. They were amazing last time round, as virtually everyone who saw them will agree, and if ever there was a band with a catalogue of hits big enough to pull off a second headlining turn at Download within three years then it’s artful old hands like them.
I find it faintly hilarious that people are criticising Download for booking the Leps again, not least because Sonisphere have booked Metallica for the second time in three years too (and let’s face it, Rick Allen is a better drummer than Lars Ulrich and can actually play Photograph and Pour Some Sugar On Me properly without passing out. Add your own limb-related punchline to that one, if you wish! Superlolz!!1!).
In fact, if you look at the headliners for both festivals, it’s a little bit ridiculous to be hurling abuse at either one. As much as I’d love to see Iron Maiden, Rush and Van Halen headlining Download, it’s obviously not going to happen this year. I suspect that Mr. Copping considered all options and researched the availability of all of rock’s biggest names before deciding on his headliners and it’s a little bit moronic to suggest otherwise.
Meanwhile, Sonisphere and Metallica are openly in cahoots and the Big Four thing was always on the cards, wasn’t it? Okay, so Linkin Park are WELL TOILET on an extraordinary scale and I fully intend to drink myself to death in the VIP bar during their set, but there will be other, more entertaining things happening elsewhere at Donington at that point anyway. Rob Zombie setting fire to robots, for starters!
Anyway, all waffling and idle hatred aside, my point is this: Download and Sonisphere are both going to be fucking great. Personally, I’m going to Download. I missed it last year and was gutted to do so. This year, I have grand plans to scream myself hoarse during Twisted BASTARD Sister, to bang my head until vomit spurts out of my nose during Evile and to cause major damage to my spine while Cossack dancing to System Of A Down. If that sounds like the sort of weekend you might enjoy, then do feel free to join me.
If you’d rather go to Sonisphere, feel free to do that instead! That’s the wonder of choice, ladies and gentlemen. As much as you Sonisphere fans might like to think that Andy Copping will be chasing you down your local high street with eyes full of tears, waving a soggy Download ticket at you and begging you to reconsider, I suspect he can cope with the notion that you can’t win ‘em all and that pleasing all the people all of the time is, if we’re being honest, an impossible dream. Back in the sane world Donington will be, as always, a little bit magical.
It’s festival season. Put a smile on your face, buy a ticket for the event that looks most exciting and start saving up for your exorbitant bar tab. As someone scary once said, do what thou sodding well wilt. And then shut the fuck up about it and stop annoying me. And throw your laptop out of the window. And get a girlfriend. And shave off that ridiculous excuse for a beard. You bleating fanny. Now fuck off. I’m starving.
Lots of love,
Dom Lawson xxx
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Well said. I’m going to Sonisphere purely because I prefer the lineup but I’ve been to Download 3 times in the past (06, 07, 10). It’s not going away, I may very well go next year
Im sorry but you just dont get it. Arent you the lucky fucker who gets his ticket paid for him(granted your working, but who wouldnt want your job). My main gripe is the fact that were being asked to pay the same £200 for a festival that last year had ACDC, Rage and Aerosmith. and we have SOAD, Linkin Park and Def Leppard this year. I love System and and a few of the other bands but if you think that a Download Festival 2011 is worth £200 then you were gonna have to agree to disagree(you may word it differently Dom). And if you have a problem with people voicing their objections then iv got 2 words for ya. Fuck off. The internets fulls of people bitching and moaning(much like you do but you get paid for it) your moaning about the fact that we like to moan. Get off your high horse man. it doesnt suit you
I like you Briggsy, you speak more sense than Dom.
Briggsy if you don’t want to pay £200 to see SOAD, Linkin Park and Def Leppard try not paying £200 and not going to Download. You are exactly what Mr Lawson was complaining about.
Do you think the price should be lowered because, in your opinion, those three headliners arn’t worth paying as much for as last years?
If so, your sense of logic is warped!
UUUmmm, someone got out of bed on the wrong side. We are all music fans and spend lots of sponds on CD’s, mp3’s and concert tickets, so we are all entitled to our opinion and if that includes whinging about shit bands appearing at festivals, the we are quite within out rights to fucking do so. Download does seem to have may questionable acts year on years but thankfully the number of good/awesome bands more than make up for it. I moan about Download every year but it doesn’t stop me from going, also I am one of them cunts you talk about with a fat wallet who is going to both festivals. Suck my cock
Briggsy if you don’t want to pay £200 to see SOAD, Linkin Park and Def Leppard try not paying £200 and not going to Download.
The prices isn’t going to go down because, in your opinion, this years headliners arn’t worth as much as last years.
Your language is offensive
download is shit this year though
all i can say is this guy who wrote all this rant 1. needs a fucking life. 2. is a complete faggot. he makes out to be more mighty and intelligent then anyone and what he says is right (N) you don’t work for the festivals to hush up don’t want to here your bullcrap rant gtfo
dom u r correct as usual im not doing download this year because i have a genuine family reason lets face it 2008 was a crap line up and still rocked…am doing sonisphere its a cracking line up in a perfect world i would go to both and yes linkin park are tosh
sonisphere is good but download have a few better bands . Get over it cool kids
Still bitter that Hammer have chosen to sponsor the wrong festival?
Just have to say people have the right to have an opinion on the Download bill as its expensive…
Go to whichever festival is best for you but the Download bill really is a let down in my opinion hence the fact am off to Sonisphere.
But each to their own.
“Beer exists. I fail to see a problem.” Quote of the year!
And to those bitching about Dom bitching about the bitchers, you’re missing the point. Some of the tripe that’s been spouted on Twitter and Facebook has crossed the line this year, some of it directed personally at Andy Copping.
I’m going to Soni this year as it has the better line-up for me and it suits my work commitments better.
If there were more bands I liked at Download I’d be going there, simple as.
Choice is a wonderful thing, and both of these festivals can co-exist.
Sir Dominic of Lawson, you are a legend who speaks the truth!!
Somebody really should sack this fool
I kinda agree with Dom, if I had the money I’d go to both.
However I think one of the biggest problems with UK festivals is the ridiculous prices they charge! £200 for a weekend is ridiculous when compared to european festivals! a quick look at hellfest states the tickets for weekend and camping is 139 Euro’s which is probably less than £120 for 3 days!!!
Why the hell do we have to pay so much here!!! Ticket prices here were expensive to start with, and they seem to be going up at least £20 every year. Some of you may be lucky enough to afford it but I can’t even afford one of these festvals this year!!
Got to agree with that Briggsy bloke, he’s got it spot on, nigh on £200 for that? Get stuffed. I’ll complain as much as I like, and about what I like. Just like I do since the day Download announces its headliners, I criticise it all I like.
How about you fuck off Lawson, nobody cares about you sucking off Download because of your free pass. If I want to bitch, it’s my right, just as it’s your right to praise it. And stop with the ‘mentally-deficient’ horseshit too; differing opinions doesn’t make me, or anyone who agrees or disagrees with you, stupid.
Meh… Fuck Download… Hellfest is the way forward.
Does that count as a whinge or an observation?
I think the main problem is crowds at british festivals suck, for me it is european festivals all the way. At least crowds there concentrate more on bands they like than bitching about bands they don’t. Sonisphere is basically a fast food market with bands playing and Download seems to be a giant game of reverse musical statues where people only move when the music stops. Both have good line ups though, better crowds and i would go to either/both, cash permitting.
If you need a drinking crew look for Camp Llama Squad Definitive.
We are going for The System. For every heavy as fuck band we can mosh our balls into a thin pastte for so feel free to join in. I CANT FUCKING WAIT.
Donington stopped being “magical” after it was renamed Download.
But you LOVE SUM41!
I’m doing the sensible thing and am off to experience Hellfest for the first time… Now THAT is a line-up!
Both are shit and full of pissed up puking 15 year olds who have never been away from home before. Bloodstock or Euro Festival it is then!
I love you Dom!
It’s the music that counts and I for one am going to struggle this year to see all the bands I want to (BIG clashes for me this year – worse than last year).
Big thumbs up to Download this year (and yes, I have my ticket!)
That brought a tear to my eye. iv been a downloader since 05, and im going this year too. cant wait for system. which is a pretty fuckin huge name to get. and ye, slipknot is a big name for sonisphere to add, but i saw them 2 years ago at download anyway. download will always be awesome, so far i have a list of nearly 30 bands that i wana see from the download line-up. with still plenty more to be anounced. unless i get a huge cash injection, then i wont be doing sonisphere aswell. although i am consdering a day ticket for the friday. Rock the fuck on Donington! see you in June!
Dom said “Personally, I’m going to Download”
Aye right, he’ll be goin to Sonisphere too cos, as someone mentioned, he gets his ticket paid for him.
Excellent blog Dom. Sentimented my thoughts exactly. there’s plenty of stages at festivals, enough to keep just about everybody happy all of the time. Even though I don’t agree with some of the bookings I don’t need to slag them off in the public domain as I know that each festival is not for my own personal enjoyment, but trying to appease 80,000 diverse tastes at the same time. Thats why we have multiple stages and beer tents!
“I find it faintly hilarious that people are criticising Download for booking the Leps again, not least because Sonisphere have booked Metallica for the second time in three years too”
You must also find it hilarious that Andy Copping has just made a tard out of himself with his child-like “I didnt want Metallica anyway…cos…like…booking them is boring…and Sonipshere sucks…etc…etc”
Jesus wept.
I think the main problem with download is that the wait for new bands to be announced is too much. I dont mean we have to wait too long, I mean coppo anouncing that he’s anouncing bands is ridiculous… then they put on some uninspiring bands after the 2 or 3 week wait… it pisses ppl off.
I respect Doms view of ppl moaning for the sake of moaning… but as a wise script writer once said: the internet has given everyone a voice and they have in turn decided to use that voice to bitch….
A) Kitty Von Danzig is right
B) Personal preference this year is Sonisphere so I will be ther
C) My “opinion” is that Download sucks balls this year with the odd exception
D) If you don’t like our comments and right to free speech, how about Metal Hammer takes the comments section away from the website so we can’t piss and moan
Fucking Cunty Bollocks!!!!!
(Suicide Silence should do Hammerfest or Bloodstock for the record). The atmos at these ‘mixed’ festivals is crap (I felt physically sick at having to listen to Stinkin Park at the first Sonis luckily LoG and the surprise appearance of MfHead washed away my nausea) and they are too expensive.
I think the reason for the moaning is the fact that ultimately festivals are judged by their headliners. Download & Sonisphere are both guilty of some true shockers this year but that’s where other bands come in and hopefully there will be enough to attract decent crowds. Myself I’m off to Europe for the third year in a row (Hellfest, Graspop) where they know how to put on a well balanced value for money festival that has thought out stage times and great atmospheres. Don’t forget High Voltage or Bloodstock though, going from strength to strength each year and great value!!!
Hellfest is better….
this bloke likes to bitch and moan alot doesnt he
Stop whinging about other people whinging!!!
I think the Aussies (although I’m British) have it right here
“What a load of whinging Poms”
Can all the whingers say anything nice about something for a change?
So what if the guy gets his ticket for free? If you could, you’d milk it, don’t say you wouldn’t!
If you don’t like the line up don’t go, there are so many festivals big and small, cheap and expensive. Try a different one for a change!
I just thought it was a plain entertaining journalistic rant, better than the drivle that can be read in NME or Kerrang (which seems to think it is the Heat of the music world)!
Go out, listen, get pissed, get fucked and enjoy yourself!