Five Ideas For Where Else We Could Party For Hevy 2013
The slightly boo-hoo worthy news that Hevy will not be taking place at Port Lympne Wild Animal Park this year means that we don’t get to play with gorillas and snow leopards in between watching quality acts like Killswitch Engage and Eyehategod blow the field to bits.
We’ve had a long and careful discussion about where else Hevy could do its thing this August to remedy the situation, and have decided to present our ideas, starring a terribly photoshopped-in Killswitch Engage.
We do the hard work so you don’t have to, people.
1. Woburn Safari Park
Mainly because it’s actually a better safari park than the one in Port Lympne, with lions, tigers, bears, monkeys, birds that are really cute until they start shitting on you and then won’t leave you alone even though you don’t have any of that weird juice stuff left to feed them, loads.
2. The London Natural History Museum
It’s a scientific fact that the only thing in the entire universe that is cooler than animals is dinosaurs. Plus you still get animals anyway. Although to be fair they’re dead.
3. The Beach
Imagine that: a host of eager young hardcore and metal fans, skipping about in the waves as Killswitch kick into Life To Lifeless and everyone’s soaked through anyway because it’s August in England which means it’s probably shitting it down.
4. Up A Mountain
Wind in our faces, ice in our hair, broken legs from where hardcore kids keep cartwheeling over cliff edges by mistake. They’d make a killing on Johnny Cupcakes ski jackets.
5. On A Boat
Complete with mermaids, nautical-themed pashmina afghans and T-Pain. Cool.
Wherever it’s held, Hevy 2013 will still be awesome and takes place from August 2-4, with the likes of Black Flag, Hatebreed, Comeback Kid and many more all set to throw down. Get your tickets now.