Metal Big Brother: The Spoof Online Soap Opera – Days 14 and 15
There’s a shock eviction in the Metal Big Brother house! Get all previous episodes of Metal Big Brother here!
Imagine if Fred Durst, Adam D, Varg Vikernes, David Draiman, Kat Von D, Axl Rose, Angela Gossow, Marilyn Manson, Jurgen Toksvig, Gerard Way and Oli Sykes went into the Big Brother house. Here’s days 14 and 15!
Day 14 – Speed nominations
Kat Von D sits in the garden. She has been sat quietly for 38 minutes, occasionally slapping herself on the forehead. Seeing the situation, Fred Durst wanders over and sits besides her. “What’s crack-a-lacking, biatch?” says Durst, folding his arms harshly.
“I just can’t decide which one is better, custard or bicycles,” she says staring at the sky. Durst stares into space before walking away. Adam D hears the conversation and decides to siphon the last of the houses supply of custard into his neon purple leggings while singing Ini Kamoze’s ‘Here Comes The Hotstepper’.
David Draiman has been bonding with Axl Rose about media misconception. “One cannot be consumed by the public’s perception of ones self,” says Draiman. “One man’s hero is another man’s fool.” “You are a fool, you egg-headed fuck slap,” retorts Jurgen.
In a round of quickfire nominations, this week’s eviction will be between Varg Vikernes (because the housemates are frightened that he might chop them up in their sleep), Kat Von D (because no one has any idea what goes on in that head of hers) and Adam D (you really need to ask?). What the housemates don’t know is that the eviction will take place tomorrow night!
Day 15 – Eviction night
Unbeknownst to the housemates, today will see one of Varg, Kat and Adam D evicted from the Metal Big Brother house.
Oli Sykes is sitting with Adam D. “Yer really fookin’ weird you,” says Sykes, pointing at the flippers on Adam’s feet. “Have you ever just looked at yerself and just thought ‘I look like a reet fookin’ idiot, me!’?”
“That’s the sound of the pot calling the kettle black, right there,” says Manson, chewing on a corned beef sandwich.
“Big Brother house, this is Davina,” says Big Brother host, Davina McCall. “You are live on MHTV, please do not swear.” The housemates are startled. “Eat crumbled shit, English transvestite bitch!” shouts Jurgen, waving his fist furiously.
“The public have been voting overnight and I can reveal that the second person to leave the Big Brother house is…” Davina then leaves a pause that’s so long that kat manages to have 2 separate thoughts. “Varg! Varg, you have thirty seconds to say your goodbyes, I’m coming to get you!”
The housemates go to approach Varg to say their goodbyes. Quick as a flash, Varg grabs a kitchen knife. “Fuck all of you!” he shouts, pointing the knife at the rest of the housemates. “You’re all fucking losers! Especially you, you foul-mouthed fucking imbecile!” he screams pointing at Jurgen.
Varg exits and for the first time, Jurgen looks genuinely upset. The housemates don’t know how to react. Manson even offers him half of his quarter pounder. Adam D offers him a finger to pull.
Jurgen, who would usually blast them with expletives, slumps to the bedroom.
There’ll be more from the Metal Big Brother household tomorrow.
Tags: metal big brother