Ruining It For Everyone: How To Avoid Being A Tosser
The latest blog from Metal Hammer writer Dom Lawson sees him tackling the subject of Paul Allender from Cradle of Filth’s injury at last week’s Bloodstock festival. Check out all of our Bloodstock reviews here!
Ruining It For Everyone: How To Avoid Being A Tosser
Good afternoon. How are you? Well, I hope. I hope that those of you who were fortunate and sensible enough to attend Bloodstock last weekend had an absolutely splendid time. I’m genuinely sad that I couldn’t make it, but I hear that it was a fantastic weekend. Apparently Carcass and Arch Enemy took the place apart, the mighty Europe played their balls off and stole the show on Sunday night and, perhaps most memorably, some tawdry little cock-end decided to throw giant gobstoppers at Cradle Of Filth, thus injuring their guitarist Paul Allender, forcing the band to end their set prematurely and basically SPOILING IT FOR EVERYONE. Yeah, thanks for that, you fucking retard. I bet it seemed hilarious at the time. Ooh, look at me everyone! I’m smashing the system by throwing stuff at a popular yet oddly controversial heavy metal band and THERE’S NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO STOP ME! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Yeah, brilliant. Give that man a banana and a subscription to Total Cunt Monthly. Seriously. What a wanker.
The thing is, there’s always one, isn’t there? One joyless little prick with shrivelled genitals, no friends and a history of nothing particularly noteworthy who thinks it would be utterly side-splitting to go just that little bit further and start a revolution of mirth by bringing danger and reckless stupidity into the equation. I once threw a bollard at a lamppost when I was drunk, but it only went about halfway up and then fell to the ground again. My companions and I stared at it briefly, silenced by disappointment, and then walked away. Best leave that kind of thing to the really hilarious people in the world, we concluded. You know, like that pointless waste of skin and oxygen that felt it would be more enjoyable for people to see someone get injured by an enormous flying ball of sugar than to allow them to watch one of the most consistently entertaining metal bands that this country has ever produced. Wise decision, mate. You’re funny. Hooray for you.
But no, we will withdraw our hoorays. No lap of honour on the shoulders of your cheering acolytes for you, Mr. Throwing Stuff. And I’ll tell you why.
When I was growing up and beginning to discover the wonderful and frightening world of heavy metal, listening to my favourite bands was a largely solitary experience, primarily because none of my friends particularly shared my musical taste at that time. They all fell into line eventually, obviously, but for a good few years metal was something that I enjoyed alone. A bit like wanking, only marginally louder. But even within that little bubble of isolated riff-worship, it was always plain to me that I was joining a worldwide community of like-minded people, because metal – and any good music, for that matter – is all about the communal experience, and that’s something that becomes more and more apparent when you start going to gigs and witness the unbeatable thrill of being part of a crowd of metal-loving folk first hand. There really is nothing quite like being at a metal show and turning round, as you bellow the lyrics to the chorus of your favourite song, and you meet the eyes of someone you’ve never met before and they’re doing EXACTLY THE SAME FUCKING THING! It’s brilliant. It’s still brilliant when you get to my age and stop wanting to make friends with people anymore. You might not necessarily want to socialise with everyone you meet at a gig or a festival, but common bonds are worth cherishing. There are enough things dividing us as human beings without acting like a total cock at a metal gig. Be nice to people. Share a laugh, a few drinks and a good time. Maybe even indulge in the occasional high five. Fuck it, why not? You’re young, you’re beautiful and you’ve just eaten something that closely resembled a dead squirrel in a bun. Go bonkers. Have the time of your life.
But don’t chuck stuff at Cradle Of Filth, you fucking moron. Everyone knows that Cradle polarize opinion. They always have done and always will. But they’re worthy headliners of any metal festival, not least because they’re hugely successful, popular all around the world and, it hardly needs saying, they put on a great show. Personally, I’ve always got on really well with Dani Filth and have had many a happy hour in his – and the rest of the band’s – company, but I’m not blind to the fact that he has a reputation for being a pillock. A lot of it comes from the way he has been portrayed by people who write for metal magazines – we’re a delight, aren’t we? – but I’m sure that there’s an element of truth in some of it too. Well boo fucking hoo. If you want your rock stars to be nice all the time, ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce you to Linkin Park. They’ll even pass the tissues after boring you to tears. But if you want bands to kick arse, take no prisoners and stick two fingers up to everyone and everything, then I’d say that Dani Filth is a pretty damn fine exponent of the frontman’s art. Even more significant is the fact that Cradle Of Filth are a fucking great metal band. Check out their latest album, Godspeed On The Devil’s Thunder, if you don’t believe me. It’s awesome. But yeah, I realise that some people may not agree and that’s cool. No need to shit yourself. No need to START THROWING GIANT GOBSTOPPERS AT THE BAND! No need to be A DRIBBLING, COCK-EYED SHITHEAD!!! Is there? Really. Think about it.
Now I’m not one for acts of vengeance. I’ll freely admit that there are plenty of reasons why this vapid arse-wink of a man should be hunted down, strung up by his knackers and punched repeatedly in the face until he looks like the singer from Alestorm (unless it actually was the singer from Alestorm, in which the poor cunt has probably suffered enough already and one good, hard, retributive punch will more than suffice), but violence isn’t cool or funny (unless it happens in a film, in which case it’s brilliant and perfectly acceptable, right kids?) and one should lead by example, don’t you think? So resist the temptation to track this idiot down and chuck bricks through his front room window. He probably wouldn’t like it. But at least there wouldn’t be a huge crowd of paying punters standing in his front garden, many of whom would have had their evening ruined by one desperately unfunny twat who couldn’t handle his drink. Just a thought, like.
Read Dom’s previous blog on the state of modern death metal here!
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I would like to hear from this guy. perhaps contact MH.
Whilst im not a cradle fan, doing something like this is DISGRACEFUL.
But youre totally correct, there is always one…
Couldn’t agree more, it’s a shame that the other Cradle Of Filth fans in the crowd who clearly watched this twat do this didn’t punch him in the face or step forward and say something afterwards
if i was there i would have certainly done something about it and that involves my fist high fiving that guys face
Well, I think you’ve covered everything there. Bravo!!!
seriously, why the hell would anyone wanna push through all the crowd, who obviously are there to see any good fuckin band rock out where the crowds gonna b moshing stoned n pissed as fuck, jus to ruin it for hundreds of people!
What the fuck! Them knobs are jus childish fuckin cunts!
spoiling it for everyone? i think a number of people at bloodstock were quite happy to see cradle end their set early. although i must say, throwing gobstoppers is not right. keep it to bottles, or even better just dont bother to stay at the mainstage
Not really a fan of the band but it was an incredibly selfish and stupid act to throw something hard and with force at an artist. I for sure would have knocked nine bells of shit out the moron if i’d seen it… but would have stopped before he looked like he was in Alestorm!
“but for a good few years metal was something that I enjoyed alone. A bit like wanking, only marginally louder.”
HHAHAHAHA Genius
Maybe im at fault for wanting vengeance. i wasnt there but, believe me, if you asked my girlfriend about it, you’d think i was. i was fuming. Midian set my world on fire. even though he speaks in a rather silly way inbetween all their songs live, you cant deny they have been important, particularly in bringing black-metal (i know many will say its not, but then what is it?) to a mainstream audience (even sony came knocking). i will have beat the shit out of him before he even knew what was happening. then screamed “Here! he did that! fucking get him!” maybe childish but i dont care…..
I was the same for mcr at download, 50 cent at reading and HIM everywhere. If you dont like it, GO SEE SOMETHING ELSE!!!!!” Or go back to your tent and smoke weed or try to get laid!!!! (Or in this guys case, go play Pokemon top trumps – No offence to Pokemon fans intended) So many better, more worthy things to do.
What a cunt.
If you don’t like a band vote with your feet, surely?
A good point, fairly well made, however it misses the wider picture…
As a metalhead/Goth (and yes, I can ALREADY picture the abuse that will bring) I’ve enjoyed aspects of both communities for around 16 years now, and up until recently I’ve never seen any problems/divisions/fights/etc in either group.
However, in recent years, it seems to have become more and more common (especially in metal sadly) to be abusively intolerant of certain bands and/or of people who like either those bands or simply a band that you don’t like (the recent Limp Bizkit / Machine Head name calling is a great example of this).
To me, this is against the very ESSENCE of the metal & goth scenes as by their very (alternative) nature both groups are supposed to be more tolerant of other peoples fashions, likes/dislikes, and so on as that is how we would expect others to treat us.
After what happened to Sophie Lancaster and her boyfriend the other year, it would have been nice to think that the whole scene would come together in a show of unity, but instead it just seems to get more and more fractured and that if you don’t like the “right” bands then you are no better/different than a Chav.
All in all, as Dom suggests, these attitudes are slowing ruining it for us all and will ultimately be the death of the scene…
if someone doesnt like a band then simply dont watch them. there is no need to spoil it for those who may have saved up and travelled miles specifically to see cof. it shows a lack of manners and respect something which is all too prevalent in todays society.
and who the fuck takes sweets to a gig anyway!
Paedophiles.
What about all the press photographers who ruined it for all the disabled festival goers by taking over the DISABLED platform.
I totally had this argument with a few friends who don’t like cradle. they’re still cunts. it’s a metal festival not some spide/chav-fest. if it had happened to your favourite guitarist you’d be up in arms. i’m sure cradle would rather have the abuse verbal, as i’m sure dani will give as good as he gets.
i thought we had more sense inthe metal community.
There was a sweet stall called Liquorice something on the site that was selling big bluey white balls-the prat probably got them from there. He/she or IT was lucky it wasn’t standing next to me. I’ve seen these people who throw things usually at other people in the crowd and after its hit some poor bastard on the head they have a moronic grin on their face cos they are tall enough to see what they’ve done- ban the tall people I say!
Perhaps we should form some group or something to stamp out abuse in Metal. Like the football thing with ref’s.
boy i wudnt wanna be that pillock
There were quite a few people who seemed to have it in for cof and it was really spoiling the atmosphere, it’s fucking amazing the politicians and the banks are literally raping us and nobody does shit, Cradle of Filth headline Bloodstock and people were baying for blood simply because they’re high profile, get a fucking life you dick heads.
this is the greatest thing everto be typed up onto a pc
i agree completley
I was at bloodstock. I do not like cradle of filth one bit. I think they are a terrible band and I wouldn’t go to see them if you paid me. I also think that Dani Filth is a knob. You know what I did during the cradle of filth set? I went and had a drink with some friends. You know what I would have done if I had no friends? I would have went to my tent and listened to my MP3 player, read a book, went to the other stage which either had a band or karaoke on. Despite the fact that I think they are a waste of set time which could have been given to Sabaton \m/ I respect that some people, weird people, enjoy CoF. The band is there, they paid their money to see the show. Let them enjoy it. Why can’t people enjoy something you don’t like? No one forced you to watch it. Grow up. And if you are going to throw something on stage disturbing to the band, throw a paper aeroplane with a picture of tubgirl on it or something, that is likely to end the set short but without the poor bloke who is just playing guitar, doing what he enjoys for people who enjoy it, going to hospital. If i saw him, i would have twatted him. I wish more people would stand up to wankers in crowds.
Glad to see that after all my arguing against throwing things on the other page that the mighty Lawson has weighed in on the side of decency without using the phrase “Throw bottles instead.” Fantastic =D
P.S. Is anybody else starting to seriously worship Dom Lawson’s blogs? XD
Dom Lawson is pretty spot on with his blogd though (Y)
Not really spoiling it for everyone, more for the few Cradle fans. And before it is said – no they didnt deserve to be this high up, especially when at other festivals this summer they havn’t been.
But then again this website is complaining about the guy who did this, yet were basically setting people up to go and bottle Bjorn Again AND Limp Bizkit at Sonisphere, so i dont know what to belive.
throwing stuff at festivals is annoying, whether it be the giant bottle fights between bands at sonisphere between sides of the crowd or whether it is directed at the band, but you cant just turn around and say bottles arnt that bad (like they were on the podcast) and say that something else is wrong.
I personally hope that cradle just dont come back
u know personally i am a partial fan of cradle and think this dude throwing shit at him was stupid and hes an idiot but i would like to ask y the hell were u watching them if u didnt like em? its a festival for christs sake now ive never been to a big europeon festival cuz of where i live but i do know that its big area and if theres band u dont like u could simply leave go get something to eat another beer then come back when there over or go to another stage and wait for that band. ive went to a few concerts and there were lots of time where usually the opener pissed me off and sucked ass but never would i throw something at em i mean just a kind of respect even if u hate em dont throw shit afterall u paid for the concert knowing whos gona be there so its ur choice
think you may have missed the point there Josh, its not about who the band were, or whether or not they should have been headlining, its a simple matter of RESPECT.
this wanker obviously has no respect for anyone, be it Paul, the rest of the band or the audience who spent their good money to watch them. what in the world gives anyone the right to hurt(physically or otherwise) anyone else??? revenge is not the answer. we should join together as the COMMUNITY we claim to be part of, and say NO to violence of any kind, towards bands, people we see as peers or commerades, or ANYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD. if everyone just had a little respect for other people stupid shit like this wouldn’t happen. who knows maybe if we really try hard enough, stories like this and sadder ones, like what happened to Sophie Lancaster, would be a thing of the past. I for one am going to try, i hope everyone else will too. end rant.
word to Dom Lawson, the man talks sense
\m/
I hate to say this, but COF deserved their headlining spot just as much, if not more than Europe did theirs. Europe were big, and I do like them, but when was the last time they did anything great? COF at least have a large fan base, even if it is mainly posers.
Actually, I used to be a subscriber to Metal Hammer and stopped it because I was sick of the magazine turning out month after month with a slag-fest of other bands.
The Machine Head / Limp Bizkit was siezed upon by them and played up. As was many other crappy, childish arguments. The media is as much to blame for brainwashing the idiots as the idiots themselves.
Maybe we should all grow up.
I was there that day and the atmosphere was fucking great, must admit that after Blind Guardians set I fucked off home for a nice cup of tea and toast (that’s so fucking metal!!). Not that into COF but would not bother throwing things at them so that why I made the decision to leave.Shame this pussy fucking twat didn’t leave…you know who you are and time will rat you out then justice will be served!!!!!!
well i saw the keyboard player nearly hit by something………….
very clever think your funny nearly hitting a girl
Thanks Dom for your blog
I didn’t stay for europe instead i went back to the tent for a few beers with my friend,i think some people just have no common sense.
if he doesn’t like cradle of filth, all he had to do was go back to his tent and have a wank! or go see someone else, ignorrant wanker.
Michael… you were telling him off for not wanking, then calling him a wanker as an insult? Think about it
You nailed it there Beez!
If he can’t hit someone in the gob first attempt with these giant gobstoppers, so as to only need one for desired effect, then he shouldn’t be let loose with them. Just one go & shame upon you for failing….
A satisfying plop of stopped gob from a careful, gentle & canny underarm lob, picked up by the mic & no harm done, would’ve been potentially hilarious if it was taken well, in good humour so to speak, otherwise it’s about as funny as a piss bottle missile which is usually warrant enough to just stop the entire show and say ‘the hell with it – if you want to play target practice with people on a stage, you can buy some other tickets for some other show & see how long it takes before that grinds to a halt resuilting from your actions as well…’
As said, this individual may come to fear the day his identity becomes public knowledge if any kind of vendetta endures through time – it’s shocking & ashaming to know this kind of thing still goes on since the SkidRow incident way back when.
CB
yeah man i agree nobody has the right to ruin a gig for everyone else,or ruin it for the band.Cradle of filth is one of the best bands the world has and if you don’t like them then don’t fucking be there,let’s hope karma comes and bites this stupid fucker in the ass. Cradle of filth you fucking rock, keep it up