Steel Panther Album Guide
A track-by-track analogy of one of the greatest albums of 2009.
Steel Panther will release their riotous album ‘Feel the Steel’ on June 8th. They’ll also be playing Download and also taking in a special show at an intimate London album on June 16th.
For now though, you’ll have to make do with our track-by-track guide to the band’s kick-ass new album ‘Feel The Steel’.
Death To All But Metal
High-octane metal straight from the Sunset Strip’s heyday. Papa Roach, Madonna, Blink 182 and Sheryl Crow all take a kicking, but the Panther save their best lines for Kanye West and 50 Cent.
Best lyric: “50 Cent’s a fag, so is Kanye West/shooting hot sperm on each other’s chest/death to all but metal!”
Asian Hooker
Can you argue with a glam-metal stomp that rhymes South Korea and gonorrhoea? Nope, us neither.
Best lyric: “Find a geisha girl/Take her for a whirl/Wrap a tuna roll on my dick/And the bitch is on her knees”
Community Property
The first step into ballad territory is like ‘Every Rose Has It’s Thorns’ evil cousin. There won’t be a dry eye in the house after this one.
Best lyric: “My heart belongs to you/my love is pure and true/my heart belongs to you/but my cock is community property”
Eyes Of A Panther
Widdling like a cat after you’ve force-fed it Jack Daniels straight out of the bottle, this is a straight-up rocker that doesn’t contain the usual piss-taking.
Best lyric: Nope, they’re actually semi-serious on this one.
Fat Girl
A lament for a woman with a penchant for doughnuts. Pure Whitesnake, it’s worth noting that while the tunes here have lyrics that are fucking hilarious all the way through, the songs themselves are killer.
Best lyric: “I want to choke on that body if you’ll only let me in/I want to sink my summer sausage into that double chin”
Eatin’ Ain’t Cheatin’
It’s a fair point, isn’t it? We can’t imagine that it’d hold much weight as your girlfriend chases you down the road with a lead pipe though.
Best lyric: “She rocked my stick and I blew my load/But right after honey, I came home”
Party All Day
If Jon Bon Jovi hears this, he’s going to shit out his spleen in anger! The Sambora-baiting guitar solo is one of the greatest moments on the whole album. If only Bon Jovi still sounded this good…
Best lyric: “Woooooah! Hey! Hey! Hey!/Fuck all night and party all day!
Turn Out The Lights
It may or may not be another song about fucking. Ok, so it IS another song about fucking, but who’s counting. This one’s about having sex with someone so ugly that you have to turn out the lights to take away from how minging they are.
Best lyric: “I think I’m gonna hurl/Jesus Christ, I hope that you’re a girl”
Stripper Girl
This could be a huge worldwide smash that ends us up as a stadium ballad…if they allowed songs on the radio where the lyrics eolved around strippers and cocaine.
Best lyric: “Sometimes you think that I’m a jerk/When you catch me fucking your friends from work/I’ll be there to catch you when you fall/If you buy me a cellphone you can give me a call”
The Shocker
Strutting like a peacock with a boner (do peacocks get boners? Answers on a postcard…), The Shocker is the best pop-metal song to ever be written about an extreme sex position.
Best lyric: “Two in the pink and one in the stink/That’s called The Shocker!”
Girl From Oklahoma
An acoustic ballad to end the album in the ‘More than Words’ vein of things. Quite frankly, if you can hear this song without LOLZing at any point, you have some serious issues.
Best lyric: the whole bloody thing. Every line on it is absolute gold.
Steel Panther will release ‘Feel the Steel’ on June 8th.
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Hahaha, sounds quality to me!
Bet this’ll be the best thing to listen to when welcoming the weekend
Can’t wait for this, it’s gonna be awesome. If the rest of the tracks as half as good as Death to all but Metal, then it will be album of the year by a mile.
FUCK THE GOO GOO DOLLS, THE CAN SUCK MY BALLS!!!!!!!!!!
I will be boycotting this as I’m not 14 years old I don’t laugh at swearing any more. Plus it’s a shameful recycling of tired cliches that ceased to be relevant the first time around. Death to piss-takes of metal!
I’m 28 and think musically its great, and lyrically a change from listening to people whine about how bad their world is.
Viod: You may not be 14 but you might need to grow a sense of humour. The songs on this record rule, whether they’ve got silly lyrics or not. Believe the hype on this one.
steel panter rule :L
Holy hell, this band are bad! They sound like a bunch of drunk fifteen year-olds who think swearing and talking about sex a lot is funny. The riffs are tame and predictable, the singer has nothing resembling the kind of power you expect for a metal band and the bridge of ‘Death To All But Metal’ is identical to that of Seek And Destroy (Metallica, obviously). Bands like this give metal a bad name. Who on earth thought a glam revival was a good idea?
to repka and blythe this may sound immature but they do it with a sense of style and substance its immorrally a refreshing take on a genre that has long gone up in cloud of peroxide hair fumes and drugs, these guys like the former darkness before em are here to have fun and put a smile on our faces for all the right reasons not writing political crap that the likes of Rise Against and Gallows are spewing out.
Besides Repka glam metal was a short sharp shock of fun and hilarious proportians seeing guys dolled up and singing about sex drugs and rock n roll and avn a gud time which we all need during the still simmering smoke of the recession.
Death To All But Metal?
And they played with poppy others? Damn… I don`t get the joke.
Well… We know what happened to The Darkness… I going to listen Coroner, Mordred, Wu very loud to forget SP.
and you think metallica’s riffs are original ?
They’ve directly stolen stuff from Diamond head, bleak house, raven and Savage to say the least. They even recycle their own stuff – That was just your life is Creeping death with the break from Blackened ! Ha ! Yet people adore them – even if Jh’s voice is shot – and he was never a great singer … and LU can’t play his own s$%$@ !
These guys are FUNNY as hell !!!!
everyone needs to lighten up. The whole thing about the cock rock era was that it was a laugh.
I think the music is pretty good and the lyrics are hilarious, I’m gutted I won’t be at Download to see them play
First!, Steel Panther are fucking awesome!, they are entertaining, funny and just rule in general. Glam > screaemo fucking bullshit. They are bloody one of the best bands to come out this century!, It pisses me off that people have only heard death to all but metal and feel the need to automaticaly slate them…. well FUCK OFF
and to the dude who said that was just your life is a creeping death rip off! pffft you are an absoultue fuck ass!, Metallica is simply the best band ever!, fair enough there are bands out there that are faster, heavier etc etc etc than metallica but theres something that metallica has that no other band in the world has.
Thank you for your time!
LOL! This is the first time I’ve ever heard of this band but it’s definately a wanna be cross between Gwar and Bad News from the 80’s. I was 13 when glam rock or metal hit the scene in 1981 and this band does absoloutely no justice to the 80’s. As a matter of fact, you guys give metal a bad and shameful name. What a joke, LOL! Thank God your not from America because you would be ripped apart and laughed at like the town fool.
Nothing wrong with 80s metal other what than those less than blessed follicle department decreed and still seem to. Metal is essentially over the top so why not go all the way?
And for all those tedious but worthy souls who take it all a bit seriously, in the words of David Lee Roth, “if you want to send a message use Western Union”.
it is odd that those who laud retreads of 30 year old punk as given to us by the likes of Green Day then have the nerve to question the relevance of other forms of hard rock/metal.
Steel Panther are first rate musicians beneath the frippery and the tongue in cheek japery. Hell, Rob Halford does not employ mediocre guitar players….SP’s guitarist being Russ Parish when off duty…
Lighten up.
Best lyric: “50 Cent’s a fag, so is Kanye West/shooting hot sperm on each other’s chest/death to all but metal!”
i gotta agree with ya on that one
a awesome album
This takes everything that was achieved in the 80s and shits on it.
Its nothing but a piss take and puts down alot of hard work/music that was created in one of our favourite eras.
You would have to be extremely immature, young or have no clue about music in general to like this garbage.
Death to SP personally.
Also @ Andy
your comment about Halford employing Parish…true he did but that was when he did fight…yes i said FIGHT! The time when halford took a funny turn thinking he had the moves of a black rapper, truly embarrassing.