The Metal Hammer staff have heard so many rumours about Them Crooked Vultures (Josh Homme, John Paul Jones and Dave Grohl’s new band) playing the UK this week, we’ve compiled them all for you. Warning: contains silliness.
Them Crooked Vultures, the supergroup featuring Dave Grohl on drums, QOTSA frontman Josh Homme on guitar and vocals and Led Zeppelin’s John Paul Jones on bass and keyboards, have already played shows in Chicago (see pics here and checkout the setlist), Amsterdam and Belgium’s Pukkelpop festival and it’s very heavily rumoured that our fair isle will be the next point of call for the band.

The only problem being that we’ve heard so many rumours about where and when Them Crooked Vultures will be playing, we’re losing track of what’s likely and what isn’t.

Here are the best 10 rumours we’ve heard/invented:

Rumour number 1: They’re playing at Reading festival this weekend. Likelihood: Of all the rumours floating around, this one seems most likely.

Rumour number 2: They’re supporting The Arctic Monkeys tomorrow night. Likelihood: Stranger things have happened. Not many but we can think of a few.

Rumour number 3: They played a sold-out show last night. Outcome: They didn’t.

Rumour number 4: They were playing The Fly last Sunday. Outcome: The Fly is shut on Sundays.

Rumour number 5: They’re playing The Crobar this week. Outcome: It gives us an excuse to go to the pub and wait for them. Another JD and coke please, bartender. “You’re mah besht mayte *hick*” etc.

Rumour number 6: William Shatner is going to play bongos for the band during their encore. Likelihood: Illogical, Captain.

Rumour number 7: Them Crooked Vultures have changed their name to Hawkwind and are playing the Porchester Halls this weekend. Likelihood: Doubtful. We just thought we’d show Hawkwind some love.

Rumour number 8: They’re supporting Kyuss next week. Likelihood: We can dream, can’t we?

Rumour number 9: Nick Oliveri, Robert Plant, Pat Smear and Taylor Hawkins will be supporting them as Them Wonky Buzzards. Likelihood: Could you imagine the conversation between Oliveri and Plant? It’d be golden.

Rumour number 10: Them Crooked Vultures is a joint CIA/FSB project between the US, Russia and China, deliberately scheduled to operate in cities which are part of the international GLORIAD computer network – such as Chicago and Amsterdam, their first two dates. Them Crooked Cultures are being deployed at these cities in an attempt to cover up and organise against a Fundamental Christian Creationist international conspiracy which is attempting to bring down the network and thus put back and discredit the development of science and technology. London is not a hub of GLORIAD, – this date is just a red herring put about by the Creationist organisation in an attempt to initiate a backlash against the band. Them Crooked Vultures will next play in one of the four remaining GLORIAD hubs: Beijing, Novosibirsk or Moscow. Outcome: We’re suspicious AND we love a conspiracy theory.