Ten Reasons Why 70,000 Tons Of Metal Will Rule
It’s now only days until 70,000 Tons Of Metal kicks our asses good and proper, and here are ten particular reasons we think it’ll be one of the parties of the year:
1. Fucking VENOM Are Playing
What’s that? One of the most seminal, influential and legendary metal bands of all time are involved? Oh right. That’ll probably be epic, then.
2. It Kicks Off In Miami
Look, over here in Blighty, it’s cold, it’s occasionally rainy and to be honest, summer was a total wash-out. The remedy? A beautiful Miami beach, of course! If you’re going, why not take an extra day or two to lie around like a proper beach bum?
3. It Lasts Four Nights
That’s four nights of sun, sea and – most importantly – heavy fucking metal. Hand us a cocktail and get those horns raised, people. Just don’t get too crazy and fall overboard, ya hear?
4. Nightwish Will Have Some New Material To Play
There have been few more eagerly anticipated metal albums of the past few months than ‘Imaginaerum’, and 70,000 Tons will be one of the first times we get to hear some of those epic new songs in the flesh. Mmmm. Symphonic metal.
5. There Are Proper Pirates On Board
Well, kinda. And when we say kinda, we actually mean that Alestorm are playing. Still, what better possible soundtrack can there be to steaming along the ocean pissed up with a bunch of metalheads than ‘Captain Morgan’s Revenge’? None, that’s how many.
6. Last Year Was Amazing
As if you needed any actual proof that having a floating metal festival is a brilliant idea, last year’s maiden voyage – featuring the likes of Blind Guardian, Amon Amarth, Exodus and Finntroll – was an absolute blast. Although if you can remember it all, you probably weren’t there.
7. Dom Lawson Says So
Dom Lawson knows what he’s talking about, and given that he actually managed to sneak onboard last year and party like it’s 1799, when he says it’s going to be amazing, you know you’re in for a treat. But don’t take our word for it…
“If you can think of anything better than reclining on a sunlounger on the top deck of a huge cruise ship with a pure blue sky overhead and a bucket of ice cold beers by your side, while some of the world’s greatest metal bands boot the fuck off at all hours of the day for your own personal entertainment, then you’re either some kind of leisure industry genius or a swivel-eyed mental,” says our loyal scribe. “Does it get any better than 70000 Tons Of Metal? Does it fuck.” That’s that sorted, then.
8. You Get To Sleep In A Cabin
So we can all pretend that we’re in Pirates Of The Caribbean and thank our lucky cutlasses that we’re actually at a decent festival where we don’t have to camp.
9. Pentagram Are Playing
The fact that Pentagram are more active live now than ever fills our doomy hearts with joy, and we can think of few more surreal places to see Bobby et al than on the deck of an oceanliner. Oh god, it’s going to be mental.
10. The Lineup Is RIDICULOUS
We’ve already mentioned Venom, Nightwish and Pentagram, but Cannibal Corpse, Children Of Bodom, My Dying bride, Overkill, Coroner, Dark Funeral, Moonsorrow, Hammerfall and more on top? This is insanely ace. In fact, enough talking. We’re off to practice our pirate.
70,000 Tons of Metal will set sail from Miami, Florida to the Cayman Islands on January 23, 2012 and return four days later, with 40 acts set to perform.
For ticket details and more information, head over to the cruise website.
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