Spanish Inquisition: Cancer Bats
Cancer Bats are this month’s victims of the Spanish Inquisition. Come in to hear them chat about their views on having sex with pandas, Canada being America’s hat and group showering with the Backstreet Boys.
If your bat got cancer how would you treat it – bat chemo or a strict vegan diet with meditation?
Liam Cormier (vocals): “Strict vegan diet with meditation and nothing but fresh spring water from the Alps. Me and the bat would go to the Alps.”
Scott Middleton (guitars): “Then me and the bat would listen to Spiritual Healing by Death.”
Liam: “It would be a joint effort, the whole band would be there.”
Canada: America’s hat. Discuss.
Helen Carrington, Leeds
Scott: “Ha ha. Bullshit! America’s our underpants!”
Your new album is called Hail Destroyer. what makes Destroyer your favourite Kiss album?
Simon, via MySpace
Liam: “Nothing to do with that.”
Scott: “Revenge is actually my favourite Kiss album because my first slow-dance at summer camp was to God Gave Rock’n’Roll To You.”
Hammer: So what is the ‘destroyer’ of which you speak?
Liam: “It’s basically about embracing the things that wreck your life – that shred you down. Like being poor, but from that may come an amazing experience.”
Hammer: but you guys are fairly conscientious with what you take into your bodies.
Liam: “It’s more like, when you have nothing, you can appreciate things.”
Would you rather be a megabat or a microbat?
Steven Harding, Gloucestershire
Liam: “Aah, I guess micro. I’d sneak into banks.”
Hammer: Do people often spring bat knowledge on you?
Liam: “No, but people bring bat stuff for us. Our van back home is full of bat stuff, like ‘Oh, I thought it’d be fun to give you a rubber bat.’”
Scott: “Or a bat-shaped cake.”
Liam: “Some guy made us a glass-blown bat. He makes bongs in Montana, so he made us this huge glass bat.”
Would you smash a panda in the face with a brick if you could totally get away with it?
Graham Totteridge, via email
Liam: “Ha Ha! Would it be like a person in a panda suit, because that’d be totally hilarious. I’d be more scared of the panda fucking with me.”
Hammer: Pandas don’t want to fuck each other let alone a Canadian, that’s the problem with them.
Liam: “No not fucking me, fucking with me. Like fucking me up.”
Hammer: You’re never going to be in danger of getting raped by a panda are you?
Scott: “They’re cool, they’re just hanging out, eating some bamboo.”
Liam: “OK, panda bear: we’re bro-ing down. Man in a panda suit: totally getting his ass kicked.”
How does it feel knowing that you’ll never be as successful as Alexisonfire?
Kelly, via MySpace
Liam: “I don’t know. I feel like it depends on what you define as ‘success’. If it’s loving life, then I feel like we’re on a par – or even beating them – at this stage.”
Scott: “They all shaved recently, so we’ve got better beards.”
And have you realised that having Alexis appear in every single fucking one of your videos won’t help achieve that?
Stacy Price, via email
Scott: “Maybe if you watched any of our videos you’d realise that it’s only two videos and it’s pretty much only George [Pettit, Alexisonfire singer]. [Bassist, Chris] Steele might be in one of them.”
Liam: “Dallas [Green, guitarist/singer] says he’s going to come to every video but never does. I would ask this person: how many Alexis videos have you been in?”
Scott: “Yeah [sarcastically], like, it really sucks having you’re best friends in your videos. We’re so bummed about that.”
Tell us a secret about Alexisonfire. Do they all really hate each other?
Rosalind, via MySpace
Liam: “I think that’s the secret that people don’t know, that they’re all bros. People read a lot of interviews where they’re saying that they hate each other or that the band are going to split up.”
Scott: “We tour with those guys all the time and they all hang out. Especially George and Wade McNeill [guitarist].”
What secret ingredient should i use to make awesome macaroni and cheese?
Dylan Robinson, via email
Liam: “Cheese singles.”
Scott: “I add Frank’s Hotsauce a lot.”
Liam: “I put tuna in to make it like a casserole.”
What’s the wrongest rumour you’ve heard about yourselves?
Liam: “I’ve heard lots of rumours about girls that I’ve banged or dated that I don’t know. Those ones always bum me out. I’m like, I couldn’t have dated this girl because I don’t know who she is. That shit fucking bugs me.”
You claim to be a mix of punk, hardcore and Southern metal. Are you aware of where the south is on a map and that Canada isn’t in it?
Scott: “I’m from Southern Ontario, I don’t know where this kid is from…”
Liam: “What’s your thing about metal being from the south?”
Scott: “What? Like the south of Birmingham? All this Southern metal bullshit surrounding us just comes from Black Sabbath so…”
Liam: “If you look on a map where we’re from, it’s more south than north California. So technically…”
Scott: “And Liam lived in Nashville, Tennessee so fuck off.”
Liam: “Because it fucking rules, so fuck you!”
Hammer: You’re scary Liam, we never know when you’re joking.
Liam: “Ha ha. I’m always joking dude. I don’t hate anyone.”
What do you know about your bandmates you wish you could unknow?
Lee, Kings Lynn
Liam: “Hmm, probably some nudes. Bandmate nudes.”
Liam: “Definitely seen my bros naked. Not so bummed, but it’s not like we’re the most gorgeous band. If I was in a band of babes, like Backstreet Boys, I’d be like, ‘Yeah! Bring it on! Let’s wrestle!’ Ha ha. ‘Oh, you want to have another group shower?’ No man, nothing. I want to know everything, no regrets.”
Your drummer is called Mikey Thundercat. Which Thundercat hero would you be and did you have a bit of a crush on Cheetara?
Paul Jamieson, Dagenham
Scott: “Yes I did, and I would be Pantero. I actually won a figure out of a Shreddies box when I was five.”
Liam: “I would be one of the kittens. Either the boy or the girl – don’t care which – because they both had those rippin’ air boards. They’re both wicked””
What’s the worst injury you ever got onstage?
Craig, via MySpace
Liam: “I split open my forehead in Saskatchewan and had to have six stitches. I was swinging the mic and I totally just wailed myself in the face. It happened in the second song but we played on and finished the 45-minute set. It was awesome.”
Scott: “There was blood all over my guitar and all over the crowd.”
Liam: “Yeah, the best thing was that we were selling these white Bats shirts, and all the kids were wearing them, so all the keeners were at the front with their shirts on covered in blood. It was awesome.”
What’s the longest you’ve gone without taking a shower?
Liam: “Nothing more than five days.”
Scott: “Yeah, nothing crazy. We’re always staying at people’s houses so we can usually scam a shower.”
What’s the wrongest thing you’ve ever seen?
Jason Bailey, via email
Liam: “When I was riding on my bike with my best friend Matty, we saw a guy crushed underneath a truck. It had just happened. He was like, ‘don’t look, don’t look’ but I looked and there was just this guy there all crumpled up. That really shook me up. I still got a bike with no breaks and didn’t wear a helmet.”
Scott: “When we were on tour with Bullet For My Valentine, I saw this guy pissed out off his mind, completely naked with Dark Knight Joker face paint, and he was barfing his guts out up against Bullet’s bus. It was their guitar tech, the guy from Lawnmower Deth. Great dude, but…”
Tags: Cancer Bats